Dr. Buss was up front playing strip poker with the Doublemint Twins. He’s such a good poker player, he still had on all his clothes. The Doublemint Twins, on the other hand – well, never mind…
Lamar Odom walked up the aisle to talk to Dr. Buss. “Dr. Buss”, he said. “Me and some of the guys are hungry. Can we stop somewhere and get some food?”
“Ah, Lamar”, he replied. “Can’t you see I’m busy? Just go ask Vitti for a Power Bar.” Lamar slunk off to the back of the bus.
A few minutes later, Kobe Bryant came to talk to Dr. Buss. “Jerry”, he said. “I’m hungry.” Dr. Buss leapt into action. “NICHOLSON”, he shouted. “STOP THE BUS IMMEDIATELY. KOBE’S HUNGRY”. The wheel’s screeched to a halt.
The bus stopped in front of a restaurant called “The Scarecrow Diner”. The players filed in and took seats. A funny looking Scarecrow with a straw hat came up to take their order - “New York style pizza” for Lamar, “steak and eggs” for Derek Fisher, “grits” for Javaris Crittendon, “ Pinkberry yogurt” for Jordan Farmar, “birthday cake” for Kwame Brown, “Crepe Susette” for Rony Turiaf, and “pancakes” for Kobe.
When Kobe ordered pancakes, the Scarecrow cringed. “Oh no”, said the Scarecrow, “The Big Short Order Cook likes to toss the pancakes onto plates from 15 feet away – and he never comes close!” Derek Fisher leaned toward Kobe and said: “you don’t think that’s…”, but he was interrupted by pancakes flying through the air and landing on Phil Jackson’s head. “Yep”, said Kobe, “that’s Shaq!”
The Scarecrow returned with the food, but got everything mixed up. He apologized and said: “I don’t have a brain. I’m always forgetting my assignments”. Phil laughed as he wiped pancake from his face and said “that’s just like these guys – I teach them the Triangle but when they get out on the court, it looks like a square!”
“And I’m always standing around watching, forgetting what I’m supposed to do!”, cried the Scarecrow.
Phil laughed again. “That’s just like these guys. They’re always standing around watching Kobe improvise!”
“Oh, I wish I could go see the Wizard. I hear he’s got a Blue Light special this month on brains!”
“Hey”, shouted the players in unison, “we’re off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz. Come with us. Maybe he’ll give us all brains!”
“Humphh”, Kobe said under his breath. “I already have brains. I scored 1080 on the SATs. Heck, I even speak Italian…”
