In The Refrigerator

Off To See The Wizard - Part II

Derek Fisher - holding a clipboard and bullhorn and looking for all the world like a male, African American version of Julie, the tour guide from the Love Boat – was herding the other players toward the bus.  I thought I overhead Luke Walton whine something about waiting for Britney Spears.  Vic the Brick, dressed in a clown costume, handed the players animal balloons and greeted each one with his signature “Feelin’ you!”

“Mitch”, Fish said.  “Get in line.  Right there after Kobe”.  I was glad I signed D.Fish in time for this dream.  Without him, the Lakers would still be milling around that damn parking lot.  I was in line between Kobe and Kwame.  As Kobe got on, I heard the driver say: “All work and no play makes Kobe a dull boy…”  When it was my turn, I saw that the bus driver was none other than Jack Nicholson, hiding his face behind enormous Raybans.  “Kupchak – you can’t handle the truth!”  I hurried on by…

As I walked down the aisle, Nicholson’s sardonic voice greeted Kwame with “get me a grilled cheese, hold the cheese… and DON’T DROP IT!” I took a seat next to Jim Buss, whose head was buried in a “Basketball for Dummies” book.  The door closed.  The bus engines roared and the parking lot was empty, except for Smush Parker wearing a Heat jersey and holding up a sign that said “I (heart) Dwyane Wade”. 

When was I going to wake up?

Off To See The Wizard - Part I

I dreamt the other night that I was Mitch Kupchack and I was on vacation.  Instead of going somewhere tropical and sipping iced drinks with little paper umbrellas, I traveled to Kansas.  I have no idea why…  I was standing in a corn field – the stalks gently swaying in the wind - muttering under my breath.  I couldn’t make out what I was saying.  A stream of 4 letter words perhaps?  I’m almost certain one of them was “KOBE”.  All of a sudden, the wind picked up and started to swirl.  I looked skyward in fear as objects started to fly overhead.  A cow.  Paula Abdul.  Kevin Garnett…  I ran, but the tornado caught up to me and sucked me into its vortex.  The last thing I remember seeing before passing out was David Stern’s head on Michael Jordan’s body… 

When I woke up, I was in a parking lot with a large yellow school bus.  All of the Lakers were there, milling around with their gym bags, iPods, and cell phones.  When he saw me, Jerry Buss headed over, a Doublemint twin draped on each arm.  “Mitch, my boy.  I’ve figured out how to make us champions again.  We’re off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz”.  As my jaw gaped open, Dr. Buss cackled and wandered away while the Doublemint twins sang “because, because, because, because… because of the wonderful things he does!”

I looked in front of the bus and there was a yellow brick road.  This was going to be a strange journey…

After the Apocalypse

Kevin Garnett is a Celtic?  So what?  Boo hoo.  Suck it up, Laker Nation.  It’s time to move on. 

We Laker fans tend to think it’s all about us all of the time.  If a superstar is available, it’s our god given right to get him.  That’s the way it’s always been.  Someone flips a coin and we get Magic Johnson.  Need a new dynasty?  Ask Jerry West to wave his magic wand and here come Shaq and Kobe.  Need a new big man?  Show Wilt and Kareem how nice LA is during the winter.  Hell, even Karl Malone and Gary Payton were willing to work for chump change just to spend one season in the golden armor.

I know it was never rational, but part of me always thought we’d get Garnett eventually.  I never once gave credence to the Boston rumors.  I thought that they were just plain silly. KG wasn’t going to pick Boston over LA, Pierce over Kobe, Doc Rivers over Phil Jackson. I got nervous when I heard Phoenix got in the game.  If they were really willing to trade Amare Stoudemire, then game over.  The Lakers couldn’t compete with that.  But Boston?  No way.  How wrong I was…

Now what?  Do we go into the season with the current roster?  “Meet the new team.  Same as the old team.”  Or will Mitch Kupchak make a deal for Jermaine O’Neil?  Perhaps Larry Bird will take Javaris Crittendon along with Lamar Odom instead of Andrew Bynum.  It seems like a lateral move but maybe it will be enough to keep Kobe in the fold for a while longer without having to give up the big hope for the future. 

Here’s what worries me.  Is Jim Buss so intent on proving that he’s inherited the Laker magic that he’s going to hold onto Bynum (whom he has championed) no matter what and pray that Drew turns into the next dominant big?  Think how different things would be this summer if management had pulled the trigger on the Bynum + Brown deal for Jason Kidd last winter…

So many questions.  So few answers.